Monday, July 23, 2012

XXX Food & Movie Reviews

The food in France was delicious but NOT spicy. It was rich and thick and dreamy and creamy but bold and flavorful it was not. Suffering from hot tamale withdrawals, I was in the mood to be spicy both literally and figuratively. I've also been seeing a ton of movies lately so to go along with this Spicy Pork Ragout I give you some Dirty Limerick Movie reviews. I suggest making this dish then eating it while you read the reviews for a 1-2 punch. If that's not feasible at least dip your finger in some siracha while reading?

Spicy Pork Ragout
1/2 pound ground beef
1 lb ground spicy pork (I used sausage links that I de-cased)
1 whole yellow onion, diced
5 cloves of garlic
1 carrot, peeled and sliced into thin discs
1 large can of fire roasted crushed tomato
3 large roasted red peppers from a jar (with juice) - the big kind!
1 bunch of basil (like 9 leaves)
1 lemon
1 chili pepper
1 dash of oregano
olive oil

Step One: In a food processor dice the basil and garlic so it's ALMOST a pesto. Over medium heat sautee the onion and carrots until soft (5 minutes). Then, brown the meat. Once the meat looks like its browned (5-7 minutes) add in the "pesto" mixture. salt and pepper.

Step Two: Also in your food processor pulse the roasted red peppers until a liquidy pulp. Fold in the the roasted red pepper sauce and the crushed tomatoes. Also, pour in the liquid from the roasted red pepper jar and juice the lemon over the sauce. Also, throw in the chili pepper. I used an unidentified red pepper but you can do chili flakes or anything you want.

Step Three: Let is simmer over low for around 2 hours covered, then uncovered for the last 20m to reduce the liquid.

Serve over pasta.

Dirty Limerick Movie reviews.

Magic Mike

Shame on you Steven -
Your movie's uneven.
It was mostly miscast,
the performances "half mast"
Also, I hate my men clean shaven

The Amazing Spiderman
There once was a franchise that rocked,
But we got sick of Maguire, no shock -
Garfield is better,
He makes the girls wetter -
Is anyone else curious about spidey cock?

Rock Of Ages
If you love hair bands as much as I do,
You'll have no problem giving it dues -
Tom Cruise's body was appalling,
like Tommy Wiseau slimy and balling.
Even Baldwin and Brand totally amuse.

Lord Timby you have my "pants heart",
I loved you in Mickey Mouse right from the start -
Amanda Seyfried you are like a cold shower,
all of your hair cuts turn men sour.
Dear Justin - instead of acting take of your pants and play that part.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Planes, Trains, Ferries, Automobiles & Bikes

As you may know we have returned from our honeymoon to France, Greece and a little bit of NY.  We decided to go almost a year after our wedding for many reasons. We could save up time, money and not feel too much pressure to get on the kid train....and it was magical. I wont get the chance to tell you all in person about it so I thought I would take this opportunity to give you Kate's Top 10 Things About Our Honeymoon. In no particular order....

10. If I am acting weird it's because I am haunted.
On our second day in Paris we were up early due to jet lag so we set out on a journey to Pierre La Chaise cemetery on the outskirts of Paris. While it was only 9am and I'm pretty sure ghouls don't haunt during daytime hours I was still chilled to the bone in a "I walked into an open crypt by accident and now I hear the dead moan and can converse with famous deceased authors" kind of way....if ever there was a place to become possessed: it's here. I mean look how scary this shit is!

9. I Foie Gras'd My Face Off.
I dont have any pictures to prove it but day-um I ate my weight in goose liver. Before the ban in San Fran sets our city back to prohibition times banning fatty liver and refined sugars I decided I would eat my fair share. It was delicious. Don't get all high and mighty and judge....are you saying you wouldnt eat brains in Mexico? Or tongue in Romania? Oh wait? You wouldnt? Okay.Also, note that French food is rich as fuck.

I did hate that you couldnt get any real coffee (cafe?!), you could NEVER get it to go (why would you want to leave?) and ohmyhotjesus - never ever iced.

8. Optimal Versailles Combo: Bicycles, Rick Steves & Sunshine
Love love love love loved Versailles. Thank you Kelly Piatanesi for your recommendation of renting bicycles to see the gardens. When I think of riding through the french countryside this is it. Also, Rick Steve's audio tour downloaded on your iphone is great to skip the lines to rent them and also full of bad dad jokes. I love me some bad dad jokes at historical monuments. Now I just need to see the movie with Kristen Dunst to ruin it for me.

7. Visiting Friends Makes France More Funner.
I never felt like I had to see France. I didnt grow up worshiping Chanel or pining for Hemingway's Paris so getting to see what all the fuss is about with people who love where they are - was awesome. We stayed with our friends Michael & Natalie in Montpellier where they are relocated with Ubisoft. Unfortunately, I had so much fun seeing them, it barely registered we were in France! For all I could tell we were back in their old apartment listening to music, gossiping and sharing life stories. I adored France, but I adore my friends more. I resisted crying when we parted ways......but I'm still teary eyed in my heart.

6. Athens sucked. People warned us. FAIL.

5. Santorini Was Perfect In Every Goddamn Way.

The food was fresh and simple. I think it's officially my favorite place on the planet. It was almost like out of a movie! oh wait, it was - Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants 1 AND 2, muthahumpers! I feel like I had been there already in another life, like it had been waiting for me to arrive. I felt at home immediately. It may be a tourist town but the people there are more than proud to have you there and show you a good time. I loved it there and I hope to be back someday.

4. Mykonos is as gay as The Castro But Old People Rule This Place. Enough said.

3. The Beaches Are Far Superior In Mykonos.

Go gays. The beaches in Santorini were nice but they were black sand and red sand which is cool in a biblical volcanic kind of way but these beaches were cool in a Travel & Leisure front cover sort of way. Much preferred. I am reading a book on how to write screen plays above. Also, the second beach is where I broke my toe rendering me unable to club and rave til the break of dawn.

2. If You Have To Leave Greece The Second Best Place To Go Is Home.

My first home! We stopped in NY and saw all the usual suspects. It was so nice being in Albany when it's not winter. Saw my family, saw my friends, saw a PHISH concert - and all in 4 days. I left my heart in Santorini, my brand in France, my soul in Albany. Now I'm SF and all I got was this lousy 10 pounds I gained on my honeymoon.

1. Who Cares?

The best part of traveling on 5 planes, 2  trains, 2 ferries and 1 bicycle was doing it with Shawn. We are great travel partners and we're almost ALWAYS on the same page. I saw some of Europe as a slutty, inspired, overly obnoxious American 10 years ago and it was a totally different experience as an adult being able to appreciate things and spend money.  I could be anywhere with him and I would be happy. We loved learning together, swimming together, drinking a bottle of wine a night and then crashing looking at Facebook. We're made for each other and I fucking love it.