Monday, July 23, 2012

XXX Food & Movie Reviews

The food in France was delicious but NOT spicy. It was rich and thick and dreamy and creamy but bold and flavorful it was not. Suffering from hot tamale withdrawals, I was in the mood to be spicy both literally and figuratively. I've also been seeing a ton of movies lately so to go along with this Spicy Pork Ragout I give you some Dirty Limerick Movie reviews. I suggest making this dish then eating it while you read the reviews for a 1-2 punch. If that's not feasible at least dip your finger in some siracha while reading?

Spicy Pork Ragout
1/2 pound ground beef
1 lb ground spicy pork (I used sausage links that I de-cased)
1 whole yellow onion, diced
5 cloves of garlic
1 carrot, peeled and sliced into thin discs
1 large can of fire roasted crushed tomato
3 large roasted red peppers from a jar (with juice) - the big kind!
1 bunch of basil (like 9 leaves)
1 lemon
1 chili pepper
1 dash of oregano
olive oil

Step One: In a food processor dice the basil and garlic so it's ALMOST a pesto. Over medium heat sautee the onion and carrots until soft (5 minutes). Then, brown the meat. Once the meat looks like its browned (5-7 minutes) add in the "pesto" mixture. salt and pepper.

Step Two: Also in your food processor pulse the roasted red peppers until a liquidy pulp. Fold in the the roasted red pepper sauce and the crushed tomatoes. Also, pour in the liquid from the roasted red pepper jar and juice the lemon over the sauce. Also, throw in the chili pepper. I used an unidentified red pepper but you can do chili flakes or anything you want.

Step Three: Let is simmer over low for around 2 hours covered, then uncovered for the last 20m to reduce the liquid.

Serve over pasta.

Dirty Limerick Movie reviews.

Magic Mike

Shame on you Steven -
Your movie's uneven.
It was mostly miscast,
the performances "half mast"
Also, I hate my men clean shaven

The Amazing Spiderman
There once was a franchise that rocked,
But we got sick of Maguire, no shock -
Garfield is better,
He makes the girls wetter -
Is anyone else curious about spidey cock?

Rock Of Ages
If you love hair bands as much as I do,
You'll have no problem giving it dues -
Tom Cruise's body was appalling,
like Tommy Wiseau slimy and balling.
Even Baldwin and Brand totally amuse.

Lord Timby you have my "pants heart",
I loved you in Mickey Mouse right from the start -
Amanda Seyfried you are like a cold shower,
all of your hair cuts turn men sour.
Dear Justin - instead of acting take of your pants and play that part.

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